Kat walks into her bedroom, the lights off, sobbing. She feels about the wall for the light switch. She flips the light on and she and Dibbs scream simultaneously. Dibbs launches a book against the wall.
KAT: Dibbs! Dibbs, it can’t you be you! (Kat puts her hands to her cheeks).
DIBBS: (now relaxed). It’s me alright. Back from the grave. Well, I was never really in the grave, but you catch my drift.
KAT: No, this can’t be. (she paces at the foot of the bed, occasionally glancing at her husband). I was at your funeral. I knelt at your casket. You were dead. Certainly dead. I even checked.
DIBBS: You checked?
KAT: Well, I had to be sure.
DIBBS: And what was your conclusion?
KAT: Well, I checked your pulse when I asked to be alone with you.
DIBBS: You think I’d lie to you?
KAT: Well, I guess you did!
DIBBS: No, no, honey, I’m dead alright. Dead as a doornail. (Kat raises a finger to her chin). Dead as a doornail. Honey, do you know why they say that?
KAT: Say what?
DIBBS: The expression, dear, dead as a doornail.
KAT: I don’t really see why it matters.
DIBBS: Why, I was just wondering. Maybe as it’s been pounded past the point of use. But why the door nail? Death is just a door, they say.
KAT: A bedroom door!
DIBBS: I see you still have your wit intact. (Kat gazes upon him condescendingly).
KAT: So, here we are.
DIBBS: Here we are.
KAT: I’m glad to see you’re here, although it’s certainly under peculiar circumstances.
DIBBS: Peculiar indeed.
KAT: So, what’s it like?
DIBBS: A little stiff, I was begging for a new comforter for years.
KAT: Oh, cut it out. You know what I mean.
DIBBS: Being dead? Well, it’s not so different.
KAT: No?
DIBBS: Well, it’s a bit colder.
KAT: That’s it?
DIBBS: Just about.
KAT: You mean you can’t walk through walls? You can’t float around? You can’t manifest in any place of your choosing?
DIBBS: You think I’d be here of all places in this world?
KAT: Dibbs!
DIBBS: No, it’s not so different. I can’t eat. Just passes right through me.
KAT: Hm. (silence). So how long will you be dead for?
DIBBS: Forever.
KAT: How long will you be a like this for?
DIBBS: I’m not certain.
KAT: Nobody told you?
DIBBS: Who would tell me?
KAT: I don’t know. St. Peter, maybe?
DIBBS: Sorry honey, there’s no St. Peter.
KAT: What is there?
DIBBS: Just this.
KAT: How unfortunate.
DIBBS: Agreed.
KAT: So what do we do now?
DIBBS: I guess we just do this.
KAT: Do what?
DIBBS: Well, I guess this will be my retirement. No work, no responsibilities. Just lounge around. Maybe see the world.
KAT: On whose tab? (silence).
DIBBS: So, honey, I’ve been doing some thinking.
KAT: That can’t be good.
DIBBS: I’ve been looking back. You know, sorting through old memories and thinking about things I’d have done differently.
KAT: And?
DIBBS: And I don’t think I’d really change a thing. Maybe I’d work a little less. Vacation a little more.
KAT: That’s it?
DIBBS: That’s it. (silence).
KAT: Can you still have sex?
DIBBS: I don’t know. Why don’t we try?
KAT: I’m not sure. Never been with a ghost.
DIBBS: Oh, don’t phrase it like that.
KAT: Like what?
DIBBS: A ghost. It sounds so ghoulish. I’m still me, just, different. (silence).
KAT: I wasn’t expecting this.
DIBBS: Expecting what?
KAT: Well, I was sort of counting on you being gone for good.
DIBBS: (taken aback). Are you upset?
KAT: Well, no, not upset. Just maybe a little disappointed.
DIBBS: (angered) Disappointed?
KAT: I’m sorry honey. It’s just I thought it might be nice to have a little freedom.
DIBBS: Freedom?
KAT: You know, have weekends to myself. Maybe go shopping without worrying about you hounding me over the bill. Just a little galavanting.
DIBBS: Galavanting!
KAT: Oh, hush, I’m glad you’re here. It’s just a surprise that’s all. (silence).
DIBBS: So, there is one thing.
KAT: What’s that?
DIBBS: Well, I’m not really supposed to talk about it.
KAT: Talk about what?
DIBBS: It.
KAT: Will you tell me?
DIBBS: Give me a moment and I’ll consider it. (waits a moment). So, I was told that I have to come back and do something you’re not going to like.
KAT: Wait, I thought you said there was nothing? That you didn’t talk to anybody.
DIBBS: Well, like I told you you I’m not supposed to talk about it.
KAT: Who did you talk to.
DIBBS: Honey, like I said, it’s a secret.
KAT: Well, you can tell me.
DIBBS: But if I tell you, I could be send to hell.
KAT: So there is a hell?
DIBBS: I didn’t say that.
KAT: You just did.
DIBBS: Oh, to hell with it. I have to kill you.
KAT: You have to what?
DIBBS: I have to kill you.
KAT: Says who.
DIBBS: The little old man.
KAT: What little old man?
DIBBS: The little man at the desk. He wears an orange visor and has a list of everybody who has died. He’s like a ledger.
KAT: And he said you had to kill me?
DIBBS: If I want to, you know, move on into the afterlife.
KAT: You lied to me?
DIBBS: Honey, we’ve got bigger problems.
KAT: You’re sure as hell not going to touch me.
DIBBS: Honey, lets think about it. If I kill you, we can both go to heaven together.
KAT: That’s a fine offer, but I think I’d rather live.
DIBBS: But honey, I only have ten days.
KAT: Ten days?
DIBBS: Ten days.
KAT: That’s not long.
DIBBS: Not here.
KAT: Where?
DIBBS: On Earth.
KAT: Hm, so time is different there?
DIBBS: There is no time.
KAT: Hm. (silence).
DIBBS: So, how would you like to go?
KAT: Well, I don’t really want to go at all.
DIBBS: You have to.
KAT: Says who?
DIBBS: Says the ledger.
KAT: Maybe you’re lying.
DIBBS: Why would I lie?
KAT: Maybe you’re lonesome without me.
DIBBS: Lonesome! (Dibbs laughs hardily).
KAT: Very funny.
DIBBS: I’m sorry.
KAT: So, are you set on killing me?
DIBBS: I’m sorry honey, but I’ve got to.
KAT: In that case...
Kat raises a large vase and smashes it against him. It hits him with a thud, but Dibbs is not injured.
DIBBS: Nice try.
KAT: Had to give it a shot.
DIBBS: Sure.
For the Indie Ink Writing Challenge this week, Sarah Sparks challenged me with "Write a story about a girl who encounters a ghost.
," and I challenged R.L.W. with "Write about a break-up."
No comments:
Post a Comment